Monday, 23 October 2017

My fellow women,
Have you heard the news today?
It is said that Zakayo did not die
a natural death.
Did you see how he looked like
in his coffin?
Do you belive that indeed he died
because of coughing?

My fellow women
It's believed that Zakayo swallowed
a pill to boost his erection.
But unfortunately,
The harlot he was waiting for did not
arrive on time.
As a result,
Zakayo oiled his manhood and died
in the middle of masturbation.

My fellow women,
Do you know the mad woman who
walks naked with a dough of poo
that dangles on the hair
of her anus?
It is said that Zakayo did bad
manners with her a day before he died.
That's why she appeared in Zakayo's
home with screams that pierced
our ears.

My fellow women,
Zakayo was a man and a half.
It is said that when they took him
to the morgue for postmortem,
He refused to stop erecting.
it's at that point that pathologists
decided to cut off his manhood.
Those of you who observed Zakayo well,
Will agree with me that Zakayo did
not die a natural death.

Friday, 13 October 2017

My love,
You no longer excite me anymore.
your palms are not as soft
as they used to be before.
Your once firm breasts have taken
the shape of a deflated baloon.
The wrinkles on your face
resemble those of a horrible cartoon.

My love,
Your once glossy lips leave
the smell of rotten eggs
in the taste buds of my tongue.
The breath that emanates
from your mouth totally nauseates.
Your once fleshy legs
no longer stimulate me to rise
to the occasion at night.

My love,
The forest of hair that you've rared
under your armpits stink
like a sewer of stifling flies.
Your once charming smile no longer
arrests my loins as it used to before.
When I hold your hand in a crowd,
I feel the shame of a preacher who
has released a loud fart
in the middle of silent prayers. 

Friday, 22 September 2017

My people,
How will I introduce myself when I
go to meet Acholla's family?
I love Acholla with all my heart...
But how will I walk to their mansion
and tell her people that my house is
an iron sheet that has been held
together by rust?

Tell me my clansmen
How will I face the piercing eyes of
Acholla's fierce father and tell him that
I want to marry his one and only
Will he not look at the cracks
beneath my jigger infested feet and
burst into laughter if I tell him that I
repair other people's torn shoes for a living?

Tell me what to wear when I go to
Acholla's home my people.
My best attire so far..... is
the Italian suit that Acholla donated
to me several days ago.
But she said it's one of her father's
old suit that can't fit him any more.
Putting on the suit when going to meet
Acholla's people will be setting
myself up for war.

My dear uncles and aunts,
It's Acholla who said that my love is
all she wants.
That if her dad will chase me out of
her home... she will leave all their
wealth and riches and elope.
And that if I refuse to take her in,
She will climb a tall avocado tree
and hang herself with a thick rope.

Dear cousins,
How will I introduce myself when I
go to meet Acholla's family?

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

Awinja has been bewitched,
She runs round the village with
a torn underwear on her head.
It is said that she quarreled with her
in-laws over the piece of land that
she inherited from her late husband.
Ever since the beautiful Awinja 
got bewitched,
She's been laughing while pointing
fingers at imaginary house flies.
her dirty anus has been 
soiling our roads with poo at night.

The once classy beauty queen of the
village has been bewitched,
She picks condoms from stinking
dust bins and blows them like
Christmas balloons.
She even licks banana peels while
chuckling like a hungry baboon.
It is said that when her husband died,
She was supposed to be inherited by
his younger brother - but she refused

She whose smile made us urinate in
our beds while dreaming at the dead
of the night -
Has been bewitched.
She now picks balls of gray mucus
from her nose and inserts them
in the middle of her tongue.
Saliva streams from the corner of her
mouth and dangles on the nipples of her
once pumpkin breasts.
Ever since the beautiful Awinja
got bewitched,
She's been murmuring to herself
and nodding at her own murmurs.

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Margaret my love,
Please move closer.
I have plucked my horny manhood
out of my favorite boxer.
I want to make you wet before
nailing the middle of your 
beautiful legs.
If you want me to sell my land or buy you a brand new car afterwards,
I will do it.

Margaret my love.
Remove your bra from your breasts
before I rest in your fleshy nest.
If we delay,
My wife may open the door and
find us making love on the floor.
I want to taste your lips before the
kids wake up from from their sleep.
if you'll want me to marry you afterwards,
I'll do it

Margaret my love,
You whose fart has the scent of
fresh vanilla ice cream.
I want us to make love the
missionary way.
Spread your sumptuous legs I beg.
Skirt your arms around my
sweating neck.
Whatever it is that you want,
take it the missionary way my love.
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