Friday, 22 September 2017



My people,
How will I introduce myself when I
go to meet Acholla's family?
I love Acholla with all my heart...
But how will I walk to their mansion
and tell her people that my house is
an iron sheet that has been held
together by rust?

Tell me my clansmen
How will I face the piercing eyes of
Acholla's fierce father and tell him that
I want to marry his one and only
daughter?
Will he not look at the cracks
beneath my jigger infested feet and
burst into laughter if I tell him that I
repair other people's torn shoes for a living?

Tell me what to wear when I go to
Acholla's home my people.
My best attire so far..... is
the Italian suit that Acholla donated
to me several days ago.
But she said it's one of her father's
old suit that can't fit him any more.
Putting on the suit when going to meet
Acholla's people will be setting
myself up for war.

My dear uncles and aunts,
It's Acholla who said that my love is
all she wants.
That if her dad will chase me out of
her home... she will leave all their
wealth and riches and elope.
And that if I refuse to take her in,
She will climb a tall avocado tree
and hang herself with a thick rope.

Dear cousins,
How will I introduce myself when I
go to meet Acholla's family?

Tuesday, 5 September 2017


Awinja has been bewitched,
She runs round the village with
a torn underwear on her head.
It is said that she quarreled with her
in-laws over the piece of land that
she inherited from her late husband.
Ever since the beautiful Awinja 
got bewitched,
She's been laughing while pointing
fingers at imaginary house flies.
her dirty anus has been 
soiling our roads with poo at night.

Awinja,
The once classy beauty queen of the
village has been bewitched,
She picks condoms from stinking
dust bins and blows them like
Christmas balloons.
She even licks banana peels while
chuckling like a hungry baboon.
It is said that when her husband died,
She was supposed to be inherited by
his younger brother - but she refused

Awinja,
She whose smile made us urinate in
our beds while dreaming at the dead
of the night -
Has been bewitched.
She now picks balls of gray mucus
from her nose and inserts them
in the middle of her tongue.
Saliva streams from the corner of her
mouth and dangles on the nipples of her
once pumpkin breasts.
Ever since the beautiful Awinja
got bewitched,
She's been murmuring to herself
and nodding at her own murmurs.

Wednesday, 23 August 2017





Margaret my love,
Please move closer.
I have plucked my horny manhood
out of my favorite boxer.
I want to make you wet before
nailing the middle of your 
beautiful legs.
If you want me to sell my land or buy you a brand new car afterwards,
I will do it.

Margaret my love.
Remove your bra from your breasts
before I rest in your fleshy nest.
If we delay,
My wife may open the door and
find us making love on the floor.
I want to taste your lips before the
kids wake up from from their sleep.
if you'll want me to marry you afterwards,
I'll do it

Margaret my love,
You whose fart has the scent of
fresh vanilla ice cream.
I want us to make love the
missionary way.
Spread your sumptuous legs I beg.
Skirt your arms around my
sweating neck.
Whatever it is that you want,
take it the missionary way my love.

Sunday, 20 August 2017


Daudi my love....
Tell your wife that you're busy.
Tell her you've been held up in a
critical job meeting.
Tell her that you'll go home next
week then switch off your phone
before she starts to speak.

Daudi my love....
Forget about your two ugly kids.
I want you to take me to a big hotel
and shower me with expensive drinks.
Don't you want me to fold my
glossy lips in between your
sparkling teeth?

Daudi my love....
I told my poor lover to keep off the
girl's hostel.
I told him that when he calls and 
finds me on voice mail,
I'll be studying for my next
Continuous Assessment Test.
Here I am my love... your soft palms
are free to cup the nipples of my
coconut breasts.

Daudi my love....
If you give me the password
to your ATM,
I will open the mouth of
my honeypot for your consumption.
I will stay with you for as long as
you want in any of our vacations.
Even if I'll fail in my final examination,
I will give my lecturers money to
change my poor credentials...

Daudi my love.....
Shall we?

Thursday, 17 August 2017



Dear Prophet!
When you said that God will bless
me with a big land in January,
I quickly sold my only plot
and gave you ten percent of what
I got.
Now the year is ending!
I am sick and tired of waiting.

Dear Prophet!
When you spoke in tongues and said
that my sick son has been healed,
I burned all the medicine that the doctors prescribed to him.
Now my son is in a coma.
With oxygen pipes tucked in his
mouth and nose.
His beautiful eyes still remain closed.

Dear Prophet!
Ever since you said that the holly
spirits have sent you to quench my
wife's spiritual thirst with holly water,
Our last born's belly started swelling
Just like your's.
When he frowned on the face today,
I saw the image of you chasing
evil spirits away.

Dear prophet
You who made me sacrifice my one
and only chicken,
I want you to tell God that I have
given him one week.
One week to make all your
prophecies come true
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